Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
