I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
