it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
