So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
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Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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