You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
