how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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