fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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