I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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