omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
