Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
