Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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