chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
