Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
