Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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