two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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