Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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