dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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