Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize