I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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