I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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