apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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