I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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