Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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