Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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