The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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