so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
