I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
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I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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