I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
