The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
