debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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