my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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