Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
