white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
