my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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