Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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