she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
