Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're like the curious george of whores
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
