bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
