i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
