I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
