why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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