living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
