if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
