Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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