whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
