Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
