apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
