Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
