I didn't shave. On purpose
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
