i already hear my dad disowning me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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