Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
