so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
