New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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