I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
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we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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