I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
