He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
