how can u be prego again
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
