You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
